iPlayer Eyes.

Motherfucker. I’ve not said anything on here since December. That was ages ago. Yet, I still have my Christmas decorations up. They make me feel less alone. Santa is for life. So anyway. I still have no job. You probably already know that, because, as we all know, the only person who reads my blog is my mum. Not having a job sucks on many levels. iPlayer gets FUCKING BORING after six months. And I’ve nearly bled 4OD dry. Let’s not talk about ITV Player. That’s for losers who like Britain’s Got Talent. (Losers like me).

I’d quite like to get up and have something to do during the day. That I get paid for. But instead, I wander round the house talking to myself like a loon then putting it on Twitter. Then I’ll apply for ridiculous jobs that will never accept my kind. Then I’ll put makeup on and pretend to be a princess for an hour. I only really do that to scare the neighbours. Does that make me mental? I think that makes me a bit mental.

I mean, I could tell you what the third word Ian Hislop said on the last episode of HIGNFY was, but if you asked me about trigonometry (which I was quite good at. When I was sixteen.) I’d have no fucking clue. I’d probably just quote a tweet from Stephen Fry and hope it sounded suitably clever. I like it when he talks about cricket. It helps me learn.

It’s got to the stage that I’m talking to strangers in the Jobcentre about Wife Swap and Jonathan Ross. NOBODY CARES WHAT I THINK. BUT I KEEP NODDING ENTHUSIASTICALLY AND HOPING THAT THEY’LL BE MY FRIEND. I really need to start going out. I could make MY OWN TV programme. I’d call it ‘Jessie’s Descent Into Insanity and Stabs’. Aren’t you glad I wrote something thrilling about my high octane lifestyle? Sometimes I only eat half a biscuit. And throw the rest away. Because I’m an utter bastard and I don’t care about the seals. I care about the seals.

Fuckity bye. x

May 7, 2010. Uncategorized.